In my heart, I strongly believe that humans have been fucking with each other for pure amusement since man first learned to make fire. I can picture in my mind’s eye a caveman using buffalo blood to write “penis” on his friend’s face after consuming a few too many wine coolers. Using a Sharpie, covering a loved one in flour, and dressing your best male friend in your mother’s bra and panties are just a few of the ways to chief another person. Chiefing can also go by the name of “shaming.” There are even subcategories, such as antiquing (made famous by the kings of chiefing, Jackass) where it isn’t even necessary for the person to be asleep in order to fuck them up. Yes, nothing says “You’ve been there for me over the years” like throwing a fistful of generic Safeway flour into the unsuspecting retinas of your best friend.

Let us not forget the beauty of the Internet. The layman may think the Web as a useful place to purchase goods, make payments, and send Christmas-time newsletters to family members. To these kinds of ideas, I say “bullshit.” Any Mac-using human with DSL knows the Internet is good for two things: dirty photos of women putting household appliances into their vaginas and chiefing their friends via social networking sites like Myspace. Indeed, a Myspace page is akin to a best friend passed out on the floor after their seventh Irish car bomb. It’s right there before you, with infinite possibilities at the tips of your fingers. Take a simple photo of your friend, an easy-to-use parody site, place it on their Myspace page and watch the hilarity ensue. It’s just that simple.

Remember, chiefing has been around for ages. It’s creativity that matters the most. While some antics are still rather funny, it’s up to you, The Chief, to ensure that those you love shall never again pass out on your bathroom floor at 10:45PM on a Friday night.

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