If you’ve seen a newspaper lately, watched TV, clicked on your little safari or explorer icon and checked out msn/cnn/yahoo/whatever, you would know that the Governor of New York was recently involved in a prostitution ring that is massively destructing his reputation and political career. With a record of ordering up smutty favors that may be considered sexually unsafe, Client # 9 didn’t suggest anything to “Kristen” that she couldn’t handle, but he sure did enough humping to rack up an estimated 80 grand in prostitution invoices over the some odd years he was a patron.

Moreover, if you’ve been breathing lately (as you should be), you would also know that there is a big presidential race coming up with a democratic knock-out about to take place in the ring. One candidate, a very powerful woman in her own right, was the victim of the most publicly exposed and smattered case of adultery in history. Does it affect the way we look at her, they way people are voting today? Sure as hell it does. Of course Hillary is feeling the sting of this most recent and blatant hypocrisy, Spitzer was one of her biggest supporters and a powerhouse set to lead the democrats at the National Convention this summer. You better believe that it hurts twice as much considering her penance for a good man who can’t keep his cigars to himself. Hold on tight, Hil, you are about to tumble faster than Fergie’s London bridge.

Even McCain has had his share of torrid sexual allegations, and he’s a good old boy, a snot-nosed republican that is supposed to be a moral standard compared to those crazy and outlandish democrats. At least the hippie democrats keep it interesting, divulging into a world of gay sexploits mixed with a little homeland security in which former Gov. McGreevy attempted to maneuver. Not to say that such infidelities are banished to a certain political party or state line, we seem to be a culture that holds no bounds when it comes to sex in these terms.

Not that sex is a bad thing; I’m the last person to be saying something as asinine as that. It’s the obvious lack of control and the disregard of public respect that our elected officials like to indirectly shove in our faces every time they think we have our backs turned. When did commanding power get passed from the societal leaders of our country to the slutty interns, the ho-fessionals that know how to take a man down by giving him everything that he can’t ask his wife for? Furthermore, why is it that sex can take down governors and bring a president to near impeachment, yet a man who brings us to a war that we shouldn’t be fighting and takes the economy to its knees is allowed to hold us captive as the leader of the free world? It leads us to believe that sex is power and people are power hungry. It also leads us to believe that maybe these men need to find kinkier wives in the first place. No, Hillary Clinton is definitely not kinky.

An age old issue, one that we’ve seen far too many times, is that public figures need to keep their penises, vajayjays, cigars, hands, fingers and toes (?) to themselves. At least do so to stop the cringing that I take on every time I see your disgraced yet smiling Stepford Wife standing by you as you confess your sins at a pulpit of newshounds and flashing bulbs. It degrades the choices that the voting public has made as a whole in this democratic society, and quite frankly, I’m sick of hearing about some fat balding politician and his lewd behavior with an overpriced hooker/underpaid intern. Sheeze. A guy can’t even tap his toe to the muzak playing in the bathroom and remain under the radar anymore. At least it keeps us from having to hear about Britney Spears’ crotch for the 13,653,234,325th time….. but then again, I haven’t quite decided which is worse.


Please note: In no way am I condoning the use of the lyrics to any Fergie song in any way except for an occasional instance of satirical madness.