There’s been a lot of hype in the blogosphere about this Blog Action Day, which is pro-green/environment/not global warming.  Of course, blog action day also falls during the month of October, wherein I am also to be aware of breast cancer, fire prevention, and Halloween.  That’s a lot of shit to recognize, but I feel like today’s thing is probably a good thing to participate in.

However – I suck at being green.

It’s not that I’m not absolutely conscious of how bad we’re f-ing things up here on good ol’ planet Earth… I am.  I even took Environmental Ethics in college with kids who had lived in co-ops and made compost piles and shit.  I learned a lot from them.  But it’s the entire “putting it into practice” thing that I’m not too great at.  I figure though that a lot of people are kind of clueless about how to go green, so while you read the articles of my comrades for their information, you can read my for its pure cynicism and entertainment value.  Without further ado, here are my newest resolutions I plan to follow in order to reduce my footprint:

1) Stop throwing my cigarette butts out the car window.  Although I don’t like it when my car smells like smoke, it’s also not fair to the earth to keep throwing barely-degradable ordinance out of my car to the street.  Cigarette butts always seem to accumulate in gutters and around doorways and it’s kinda gross.  So, when I’m out, I’ll find a trash receptacle or just put them back in my pack until I can throw the whole thing away.  My car is another story – I think I’m gonna keep half a water bottle in my car and throw my butts in that.  Then, I will leave it in the cupholder so the next drunk ass friend I take home accidentally swigs out of it.  Pro-environment and hilarious.

2) Stop peeing in the shower.  Although this is definitely a guilty pleasure, I am sure that it is responsible for the near-extinction of beluga whales in the waters surrounding Japan.  Either that or rampant illegal poaching, whatever.

3) Start moonshine/brewery operation in order to recycle old beer bottles.  A must since Lower Merion Township barely has a recycling program.  At least, my apartment complex doesn’t believe in it.  And I am not sure where to take my cans and bottles and I am not sure I feel like holding onto them either (because I like in squalor and on the third floor).  Actually, maybe I should just move back to upstate New York so I can turn my beer cans in for money.  That was awesome and justified buying lots of beer in the first place.

4) Use rechargeable batteries in your vibrator.  Less physical waste from your standard disponseable batteries, especially in such a heavily-used appliance.

5) Reuse my coffee grounds.  You can just, like, run water through again the next day, right?  Wait… no… wait.  That’s gross, right?  Yeah, it’s gross.  I think the earth can handle coffee grounds.  Sorry, Earth.

6) Make a family of merkins from all unused hair shavings.  If you don’t know what this means, go to urbandictionary.com.  I hear the bassist from Noosphere has one.

In the meantime, I think that both you and I should check out this link (courtesy of fellow Randomn3ss scribe Ms. Libertine – thanks!) and see what other (aka actual) ways that I and my fellow lazy bastards can go green.  You should also check out Lo’s piece and Ms. Sabotage’s as well.  They are much more informative than me.  I’m off to sow my merkins.

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