There are countless carbon footprint calculator web sites on the web now, and like a bad toe fungus, calculators of other types are inevitably springing up and spreading to all areas uncontrollably.

You can calculate your food footprint, your water footprint, your plastic footprint, your lifetime consumption footprint, your house footprint. How about your civic footprint. Noise even has a footprint. Calculations are out there on the carbon hoofprints of cows, too. Energy use and loss footprints. Did you think about your social footprint?

The overload about our soles has arrived, I think.

There are costs to everything we do, carbon often included: Emotional, financial, intellectual, physical, social/community psychological, time… What are some other calculators the world can use, in the effort to reduce all these tolls on the earth and its inhabitants? Here’s some ideas:

- The makeup, lip gloss, hair bleach and tanning bed footprint.

- The alcohol, cigarettes, coffee, omelette and home fries, and ibuprofen footprint.

- The pizza footprint in the U.S. alone must be staggering.

- The time, gas, food, and drinks wasted on bad dates footprint.

- The every movement of female celebrities’ scandals footprint. Good God please save us from that one right now.

- The complaining footprint. Think of all that junk released into the air…

- The lost keys and other important items needed as you walk out the door late for work/school/interview/wedding/driving friend to the airport footprint.

- The out of gas (and yelling and banging head on steering wheel) footprint. (No wait, it’s good to use less gas. Do those two footprint calculators cancel each other out?)

- The swearing footprint. The U.S. is clearly a contender for top footprint there. (Actually a few of my friends who shall remain nameless are leading the pack. You know who you are.)

- The bad cable shows and movies we’ve sat through and wondered why we were so stupid to waste our time on that footprint.

- The say mean things about others and feel smug footprint.

- The family gathering/social event we’d rather eat our smelly dirty oldest shoes than go to footprint.

- The I hope my parent/spouse/relatives/significant other/friend/neighbor/coach/the media/the guy sitting next to me on the subway doesn’t find out footprint.

- The not balancing our checkbook footprint.

- The self-delusion/denial/ability to lie to ourselves footprint.

- Similarly but a little bit different, the I’ll believe anything footprint. Could be a good or bad footprint, right?

Smile and laughter footprints anyone? Has to be good.

Let’s hear your footprint ideas.

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