Four and a half long years ago I wrote How not to hire a wedding photographer, an article that was a response to a Craigslist ad about someone who had very unrealistic goals about what they wanted.  In the article I broke down each and every absurd request the person had and gave reasonable answers.  I’m going to attempt to do the same thing with a recent Craigslist ad where a bride is flying off the chain at what she seems to think is a case of hanging out and shooting photos.

The original ad posted to the Seattle Craigslist:

Attn: Wedding Photographers (Puget Sound)

WHY is finding an amazing wedding photographer so difficult? :/

I am a Bride who is getting married this summer and have yet to find a decently priced, exceptional, amazingly talented, fun photographer.

WHY because the word “WEDDING” is involved photographers think they can change you $ 3,000.00 for wedding photos? Oh, because no bride is going to go without so they are going to pay it, because they HAVE to. They are ripping people off for all they have! Why when you want to get married it costs you AT LEAST 15 grand after all is said-and-done? Its such CRAP!! I love all you $ 3,000.00 photographers out there but i think your prices are WACK. All your doing is hanging out at a wedding taking tons of photos and editing them.. and thats owrth 3 GRAND!!! You’re making so much money its crazy. I just wish people would be more realistic. I mean the “average” persons salary for 1 freaking month is somewhere around 3 grand. (Thats making 19$ an hour) So you’re going to take someones WHOLE MONTH paycheck for one flippen day of photos? Just because you CAN!!?????? So that maybe they will not be able to feed themselves or pay any other bills they have, right? It makes me SICK!

I know im speaking for more than just myself right now. Alot of brides out there think the same thing. & I bet all you fancy photographers wont even read this. oh-well.
Maybe there are cheaper photographers that will read this and LOVE to take my photos

Like last time, I’ll pick this apart and give some depth to her requests.

WHY is finding an amazing wedding photographer so difficult? :/ Truth be told, it’s not.  There are more options now than ever, magazines and websites like The Knot that specialize in city searches and the abundance and growth of Facebook alone in the last two-three years means it’s only a matter of updating your status with Looking for a wedding photographer, can someone please make a reccomdnation? If you’re like most users, you should have a dozen replies within the first thirty minutes.

I am a Bride who is getting married this summer and have yet to find a decently priced, exceptional, amazingly talented, fun photographer. Well the old saying is, you can have two but never three of the following: Cheap, Fast, Good.  Also, what is decently priced to you may be very affordable to someone else.

WHY because the word “WEDDING” is involved photographers think they can change you $ 3,000.00 for wedding photos? Oh, because no bride is going to go without so they are going to pay it, because they HAVE to. Actually, yes, it’s partly because the word wedding is involved, but you’re also not fully understanding the pricing structure for a wedding.  We’ll talk about that shortly since you’re going to continue going off into the deep end about it.  And photos are optional, just like a wedding is.  I’m no expert at law but I’m pretty sure most states in the USA only require some paperwork to be filled out at a county courthouse, the actual wedding ceremony, for the most part, is totally optional, along with the reception.

They are ripping people off for all they have! We are?  If all you have is $3,000 then you should probably put that towards your cost of living, student loans and the such, not towards a photographer. 

Why when you want to get married it costs you AT LEAST 15 grand after all is said-and-done? Its such CRAP!! As I’ve previously stated, it’s actually not $15,000.00, that’s the to hire people who will provide you with the setting and facility to celebrate your wedding.  If you want a professional chef to come to your house and make your dinner, you can expect to pay more for it than if you went to their establishment.

I love all you $ 3,000.00 photographers out there but i think your prices are WACK. All your doing is hanging out at a wedding taking tons of photos and editing them.. and thats owrth 3 GRAND!!! You’re making so much money its crazy. I just wish people would be more realistic. Thanks for the love, can never have enough of that.  Now, I’m not going to argue the $3,000.00 figure you keep because that’s somewhat dependent on where you live, you’d be lucky to find a photographer in New York City for that much and in Po-Dunk, Anywhere it might be three times the going rate, so for this we shall stick to it.  We don’t hang out.  We run a business.  A business that has overhead, such as insurance, gear upkeep and maintenance, transportation, advertising, web design and deployment, brochures, sample books, etc.  All at a cost.  While most wedding photographers don’t have the overhead of an actual storefront, they still incur costs in their home / home offices such as lines for fax machines, Internet, computers, etc.  Also, there is no W-2 form when you are a sole owner or LLC, this means you need to pay taxes in most states quarterly, most photographers off-load this to an accountant, an added cost.  There are no paid sick days, vacation days, personal or doctor days, those are luxuries not afforded to a wedding photographer.  Likewise, business hours are virtually every hour of every day.  There is no show up at 8am, take lunch from 12:30-1:30 and leave at 5pm, it’s in your best interest to answer phone calls at 8pm while you’re enjoying a movie with your family or reply to emails at 1am, so the client always feels their wedding is the most important in the world.

I mean the “average” persons salary for 1 freaking month is somewhere around 3 grand. (Thats making 19$ an hour) So you’re going to take someones WHOLE MONTH paycheck for one flippen day of photos? Just because you CAN!!?????? This is the part in the story where I honestly hope you are good at math.  I’m going to break down for you very simply what an average wedding consists of, time wise.

• 20 minutes: Initial in-bound inquirer from potential client via email or phone call + response
• 10 minutes: Follow up to schedule a meeting
• 60 minutes: Initial meeting, this is usually in a home office or a coffee shop of some sorts
• 30 minutes: Time it will take to draw up contracts, review discussions during initial meeting, send to you for review
• 10 minutes: Email reminding you that the first deposit needs to be sent to positively reserve your date
• 10 minutes: Email reminding you the remainder of the deposit needs to be paid in full 1 week prior to the wedding
• 60 minutes: Driving time to and from the wedding and between the wedding and reception.
• 10 hours: Provided you are getting married at 4pm and reception starts at 6pm and ends at 10pm, figure being at the Bride’s house by noon for the getting ready photos, the Groom’s shots, pre-bridal party posed shots, shots between the wedding and reception.  Basically starting at noon and ending at 10pm.
• 60 minutes: To import all digital photos and start the work-flow of editing, backing up originals and preparing for final images.
• 5 hours: Time spent editing photos.  This number varies for everyone, I’ve generally found in my experience that for every hour I’m shooting I can expect to spend one-half hour in the chair editing.  This is also weeding out bad photos and getting the final selection ready.
• 60 minutes: Time to export fully edited photos, catalog them and burn to DVD
• 30 minutes: To back up the edited photos and keep copies safe via external hard drive or more DVDs.

At this point we’re now at 21 hours.  This time has several variables in it and does not include sending files to a printer for photo prints, books, etc, plus picking them up, assembly of them or delivery to you, the client.  Rough math says that’s equal to about $142.86 per hour worked.  That is gross profit per hour.  Let’s factor in 15% taxes, that chops $450 off the top right there, factor in another $25.00 per month for insurance and a solid $150.00 per month for an accountant.  Then of course there is the cost of running a website, Facebook and Google paid ad campaigns, attending wedding expo’s, printing promo material, print advertisement in The Knot and similar magazines / websites.  Gas, car insurance and wear and tear on automobiles traveling to and from meetings and events.  All of this and I still haven’t said one word about the cost of actual camera equipment.  A wedding photographer who is charging $3,000 is probably doing so because they don’t want to undercut their competition but also because they’ve been doing it for a while and understand what it is to run a full business.  That said, they are probably bringing between $4,000 and $20,000 worth of camera gear with them to shoot your wedding.  This stuff is all wear and tear items that routinely need to be sent out for repair and replaced over time.  Let us not forget that this is for a paying client, not everyone who emails / calls will be a paying client due to schedule conflicts, priced too far above (or below, yes I’ve heard of clients saying photographer is too cheap for them), or other various reasons.  Same goes with the initial meeting, you don’t get up to bat and always hit a home run.  All that time is unpaid time spent working.

So that maybe they will not be able to feed themselves or pay any other bills they have, right? It makes me SICK!  It’s interesting you bring this up, as mentioned before this is a luxury, you actually don’t need any of this to get married.  I think what’s also worth mentioning here is that it’s customary here in the USA to expect an engagement ring equal to roughly three month’s salary of the groom-to-be.  By your numbers of the average salary, you’re expecting a $9,000 ring?  That’s a really nice used car.  Moreover, it’s worth probably about $1,500 if you try to actually sell it because the only thing of real value is the gold or platinum in the band, the diamond for all intense purposes is a thing of value only to initial purchaser, there is no publicly traded diamonds out there in the same fashion as precious metals.  It’s a number made up by those in control of the mines, that however is a whole other article.

I know im speaking for more than just myself right now. Alot of brides out there think the same thing. & I bet all you fancy photographers wont even read this. oh-well.  Well this photographer did read it and I’ll be sharing it with other ones for sure. 

Maybe there are cheaper photographers that will read this and LOVE to take my photos Pull your nose out of the clouds, photographers love to photograph, it’s one of those service oriented jobs where most who do it chose to do it, and they truly love their craft.  They also love to get paid for it, and if you aren’t willing to pay for their experience, talent, skill and professionalism, then you have missed a great opportunity.  There are plenty of new shooters who bottom-feed and try to start at $500 a wedding, your photographs are going to look like they were shot by a $500 wedding photographer.

You complained a lot about a wedding costing you $15,000, if the photographer is going to make up roughly one-fifth of your total investment.  That means that four-fifths of your budget is going to be spent on consumable, forgettable items.  I’m sorry, on your one-year anniversary no one is going to post on your Facebook wall about how much they loved the duck breast and mashed squash they had for dinner or how great the DJ was.  They are going to leave comments on the photographs, that’s how people will remember and more importantly, relive and rejoice at your special day.  For your guests, it’s just a day they had to get dressed up, eat some marginally OK food, listen to music they probably don’t like and give you a gift that you probably don’t need or money that will be used to re-coupe the cost of this whole event.Similar articles that might also interest you:

• How not to hire a wedding photographer
• The Corpse Groom
• Wedding Season for the Bachelor
• Make money selling digital photos Part II
• Sorry, you are not allowed to photograph that

When a person walks into a nail salon (or most places of business), it is customary to greet a person that says hello to you. Most people don’t think of it as they are walking into a salon, but if someone asks you what they can do for you, tell them what you are there for. Do not tell someone that you’re waiting for someone other than the person asking. Be nice. The person isn’t necessarily trying to perform the service (he or she may not even be able to), but could get you started for the person you are waiting for.

Nail salons, and hair salons are not the place for food. Being able to see it firsthand, leaves you with a feeling of disgust when you’re in the middle of filing someone’s nails, and the person opens up her sushi container. Not only is it just gross that you would eat with your hands, while having powder or dust all over them, but it’s unhealthy for you too. Most people aren’t able to tolerate the smell in nail salons, let alone eat in them. Along the same lines, bringing soup to eat as you’re getting a pedicure, McDonald’s while you’re waiting, or sandwiches at the nail tables should just be a big fat NO. Bringing in entire meals can also stink up the salon, and other paying clients shouldn’t be subject to that.

Keep your cell phone conversations to a minimum. Cell phones have been so widely used in this day and age and keep getting more popular. Their popularity has also become prohibited in places like doctor’s offices, in cars while driving, or while in lines to order food. There are many salons that do not have “no cell phone” signs up because frankly they may not care, but other clients don’t like it. Who goes to a nail salon to hear someone else’s conversation about their health problems, or their party planning? Really, people don’t like it-especially in a place like a salon. People go to salons to relax, and unwind, not to hear someone’s annoying voice in the chair beside them. In addition, when you’re nails are being painted, put the phone down. Ten times out of ten, you are likely to mess up your nails while they’re wet, giving the manicurist more work to do.

Babies don’t belong in a nail salon. People get it. People get that you may have a newborn or a toddler, and don’t have much time to get out, or have much time to yourself. Finding time for yourself in a nail salon doesn’t mean you should bring your kids with you. People love cute kids, but the moment they cry or whine, they’re not so cute anymore. You figure, you’re in a salon for at least a half hour and your kids cannot keep still for longer than a few minutes. Leave the kids at home, and enjoy a manicure and pedicure when you can without them. It will give you, and the others in a salon a much better experience.

You wouldn’t like trying to relax while hearing someone else on their phone or hearing their kids. If you’re hungry and you have limited time, bring a small snack that can be tucked away in your purse to eat while waiting. Point is, be aware of your surroundings not just in a nail salon but everywhere. Be polite and nice, and you’ll receive that in return.Similar articles that might also interest you:

• Please, put your cell phone away
• The iPhone Rocks #2
• Power goes out but still great customer service
• Britney Spears bald
• Cell phone uncovers extramarital affair and more

Yay! It’s summertime. I’m so happy that you are outside biking, walking, running, rollerblading, walking with your kids, walking your dog…. whatever you might be doing. I have a few comments and suggestions to make everybody’s (mainly mine, I guess) journey more enjoyable.

First. This might seem simple, but for most people, this seems to be a concept unimaginable. Get out of the middle of the path. Not so hard, really. This counts no matter if you are biking or on foot. This is especially important if you have music blasting in your ears. If I am saying “on your left” over and over while I am stuck behind you on the narrow point on Kelly Drive where I can’t pass you, I’m going to eventually get pissed and ride up directly behind you and literally scream. I have had to do this a few times. It’s great you are running or biking slowly. Really. Your fat ass thanks you (but maybe you might want to not wear spandex just yet….). But if you are going at a snail’s pace and I have to get somewhere, or I am just sick of staring at your jiggling white thighs, I will scream at you until you hear me. Then I will most likely curse at you, and consider pushing you into the trees. Turn down your fucking music, or better yet, stay to the right of the path.

Which brings me to my second point. You are not from England, or Australia. I hear that South Jersey accent. I know you are from the tri-state area. So stay on the right side of the fucking path. Seriously. And when I glare at you because I barely miss hitting you, do not get mad at me. You know the rules of the road. Oh, wait…. you drive like an asshole too? My bad. I just assumed people who walk or drive can do it the proper way. I guess I was wrong.

That said – if there is a tiny narrow curve in the path (there are quite a few – some of them even have lines painted down the middle, and signs saying “go slow”), do not pass the person in front of you just yet. Because you can’t see who is coming in from the other side. Stay over as far as you can or you will probably get hit. You can wait an extra 8 seconds before you swerve out and potentially hit me, who is staying on the proper side and going slowly in tight areas. Because let’s face it, you aren’t going that fast anyway.

If I yell “on your left” and start to pass you, do not jump in front of me. You don’t have to move at all in fact. I have taken into account passing you by the time I tell you that I am. You’re fine.

Do not let your dog, horse, or small child lunge in front of my bike. If I do miss hitting them, I will narrowly miss them, and you will yell at me and get upset, and little Bobby will start to cry. Hold them. Hold their hand or their leash (leashes are for your dogs though, not your child). Get off your fucking Blackberry. Stop texting your friends. Pay attention to your kids. Otherwise they will wind up writing angry posts like this one in 25 years.

Please do not swing your fishing poles around. If one hits me again, I will take you and throw you into the river after I break your fishing pole over my thigh.

Do not walk three or four abreast. I don’t care how cool you and your friends are. You do not deserve to take up the entire path. It is not the Yellow Brick Road.

Look behind you and see if someone is approaching if you need to suddenly get to the left side of the path. Not so hard, but people never seem to do this. Likewise, if you suddenly must stop dead in your tracks, get over to the grass or something.

A few random bits I would also like to mention:

• Spandex is not for everyone (I am repeating this because I feel strongly here)
• Unless you are biking up Shurs Lane, keep your elbows straight when you bike. You look like and idiot. And you are going slow. It’s not helping you
• Change your gears from time to time. I laugh at you when you are pedaling your ass off and not getting anywhere. If you don’t want to change gears, do what I do, and ride on a track frame
• If you must listen to music, turn it down. Or just listen in your right ear
• Wear a helmet

I’m sure that I can continue on here, but those are the major things that I would like to mention.

So please, be considerate so I can get back and forth between work and home without wanting to run someone over.Similar articles that might also interest you:

• How NOT to Pick Up a Chick
• Adrienne goes to traffic court
• The future of America is doomed
• Enhancing Your Automotive Experience
• How to drive 1000 miles in one day without losing it

According to the Associated Press, the Obamas are in a “gray area” because the dog they adopted was returned to its breeder before finding its way to the Whitehouse.  In my opinion, that area is not gray.  They were given a dog as a gift from the Kennedys and the Kennedys got the dog from a breeder.

The press is arguing that it was from a reputable breeder (as opposed to a puppy mill) which is true, but I would argue that even reputable breeders are creating an excess of animals.  There are around 3 million dogs euthanized in shelters every year.  3 Million!  Out of those 25% are purebred, single-breed dogs.

Right now on Petfinder there are a number of purebred Portuguese Water Dogs listed in DC shelters.  Those are just the dogs listed on the site.  Rescue groups and other animal welfare organizations have more dogs ready to be adopted.

I find it unacceptable that the Obamas chose to use their daughter’s allergy as their excuse for not adopting from a shelter.  I feel that it sets a bad example for the rest of the public and uses a weak excuse as a reason not to act responsibly. It is absolutely possible to find not only a hypo-allergenic, but a purebred dog in a shelter or from a rescue organization.

Oprah was able to find her companion in a Chicago-area shelter, it’s a shame the Obamas could not follow suit.

Looking for a dog or other pet?  Try Petfinder.com, the largest online listing of shelter/rescued animals.

Want more information on adopting a dog?  Try The Humane Society of the United States for material.Similar articles that might also interest you:

• Place A Pet Foundation needs a web designer
• Michael Vick dog chew toy
• I Heart Tripod Dog T-Shirts Rule!
• Speak English sign at famous Philly steak shop legal
• Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match…for my pet

A ew years ago I had some horrible experiences with insurcance companies, here’s a few of them.

I spent the better part of yesterday back and forth between my insurance company and the doctors office absolutely bewildered at the state of healthcare in America. My foot propped up on a pillow; I remembered why I had put off calling the doctor for three weeks, because I was already overwhelmed with what lay ahead. The inefficiencies of our nations insurance companies are mind-boggling. Some might think that they fail at their goal; they don’t provide what they offer. But this is untrue; the insurance company achieves its ultimate goal. This is because its goal is to fail. Its not supposed to provide health coverage to its members. Instead the corporations essentially offer false hope and as a result disillusionment that leaves more Americans in their current social and economic state.

I called Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield and was immediately greeted by an automated service. The computerized voice offered me a few options that were none of the options that I was searching for. After about five options I pressed zero thinking I knew the little secret that many others didn’t, the golden number to a live operator. I’ve always been quite proud when I would tell others about my secret, the way that I would skip the line and get right to a live person by pressing the golden “0”. Alas apparently I have told to many people because this was no longer an option. Instead Max Headrome returned and went through the aforementioned options. I pressed “1” and then had to choose between English and Spanish which would be the easiest part of my journey. Of course once I selected a language I had to wait for a few minutes listening to horrible elevator music although I was actually in an elevator. I cursed myself for not finding a landline to make the call thinking about how sprint had to be in on this too as my daytime minutes slipped away.
Finally I heard a pause in the music. My heart raced as I sat silent for a second only to realize it was my connection that was suspect, the elevator music resumed. But alas after a few more moments, while watching Oprah belittle some author I was greeted with a friendly voice.

Thank you for calling Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield, how many I help you?

Hi, I don’t know if you are the right person to call, but um, um, I am looking for the out of state, away from home care, do you need my membership number first

That would be great

Why didn’t she ask me this to begin with? It would seem like the logical thing to do considering at one point or another she would need this information. We spent the next few minutes discussing the different intonations of “M” versus “N’ and “V” versus “B” or “C”. For some reason I never think of easy words to offer such as “B as in Benjamin”. Instead I always think of curse words or nothing at all, “B as in bitch” and I giggle to myself in my head. Finally we confirm that I am indeed me, which I always find is a relief. Infact I urge any of us who are having any type of identity problems to immediately call their insurance company. They will certainly give you confirmation and you can go about your existence again. After all this she finally says,

So how may I help you?

I need to find doctors in Philadelphia.

Any type of doctors?

Oh wow, I didn’t think of that, well yea a foot doctor, a podiatrist, I injured myself playing basketball (She didn’t give much attention to this information) But you should know I’m out of state, my coverage is in Connecticut.

I see

The dreaded I see. Its arguably one of the worst expressions one can hear. Right up there with Sorry hunny, I’ve been cheating on you with Hitler or your best friend and, Hi, this is Tina, that girl from the bar last month, you know McFaddens, yea well I’m pregnant. Blasted McFadden’s!

Well sure ill have to connect you with the out of state operator, she will take care of you.

Oh, okay then, thank you.

Why didn’t she do this in the beginning! Why did I spend the last five daytime minutes on the phone with someone who could not help me? It makes no sense, its almost as if she was just teasing me. Like youre 17 in the back of your car with the prom queen, you feel like a million bucks. But then she gets out of the car after two minutes of kissing right when you were beginning to maneuver your hand up her shirt! God Damnit! Stifled again! I feel like a blue-balled teenager.

More time goes by and finally I’m in the right place. This voice sounds much like the previous one and makes me think that I’m the butt of a big joke. Like the guys from Crank Yankers are on the other end having a big laugh. And the first question she asks,

Hello sir, may I please have your membership identification number?

Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously? Now I know I’m the target of some vast conspiracy. Didn’t I just give this information to the last operator? Shouldn’t you already have this information? Now I feel like a foreigner speaking to someone in French. (I chose the French here because they are the only people who have as much disdain for me as insurance customer service operators). You know those times when you just repeat the same thing over and over again as if they will all of a sudden learn English through repetitive listening.
I give up my information all the time praying that she wont ask why I’m out of state, in Philadelphia considering I have a few doctors visits in the area and none in my “home state”. I will refrain from giving up any more information for fear of the obvious, they are watching. After five more minutes she has found three doctors in my network. Hallelujah. My blood rushes, my heart pounds. I see light at the end of the tunnel until I ask the next question.

So do I have to do anything else? Once I make the appointment do I have to do anything else?

I don’t know sir, I only am a locator. You will have to call membership services.

Oh ok, can you please connect me to them.

I’m sorry, I don’t have the directory here so you’ll just have to call the customer service line, it should be on the back of your card.

No shit, I used it to call you. I hang up. I look at the clock and see that I have twenty minutes to Around the Horn on Espn and would like to have all this finished up so I can hear five people’s ramblings on the significance of Kobe Bryant dropping 81 in an NBA game. Upon occasion I marvel at the fact that people are paid to just give their opinions and report events. It seems like such an easy job, I should be paid to do that. I do it ever day, That hot ass chick just bought a chicken parm sandwich, damn she is hot, I should get her number. Seems easy enough. I take a deep breath and call back. Brimming with confidence knowing that it didn’t take me too long last time to find an operator. At least after a few miscues. But this time takes much longer. For some reason all the options that were available the last time I called seem different. I can never remember what option I chose in my Choose Your Adventure story.

You might ask why don’t I just make the appointment? Well rewind a few years when I had a knee injury and was attending college in Washington DC. After finding a doctor in the network I made an appointment and went in for knee rehabilitation. Confident that I was completely covered I went a few times. The doctor’s office never gave notice that anything was wrong. After 9 visits totaling at $900 I find that the insurance company won’t cover it because I never alerted them for authorization. I thought I had considering I talked to an operator. But alas this was not enough and I was stuck with a $900 tab. Insurance companies are the devil.

So this day I growing increasingly frustrated. I had just hung up for the third time, not finding my pot of gold through the winding automated maze. I decided to give it one more go before giving up on the day. Somehow, through divine intervention I found the person I need to talk to. Three daytime phone calls and 20 minutes to find one person to offer me this after I gave her my membership number again,

Yes sir, call and make an appointment then call us again here at the out of state care to alert us to the doctor, date, time and address so we can put through an authorization code for that day.

Once I had to reschedule an appointment after putting the authorization call in. I forgot to call in a second time to alert the change in date and was denied coverage once again. I figure they would be smart enough to know that it was the same patient and doctor. Apparently it was I who was not smart enough. So I ask this lovely lady for some information as well,

May I have your name and extension so I can just call you back?

Yes my name is Monique and I don’t have an extension, but you can just ask for me. Also make sure you ask the doctor if they are still in the network.

That’s essentially the same thing as the how about I take your number instead? Then you walk yourself home late at night telling yourself she will indeed call. After a few days you start looking her up on Yahoo, Google, Friendster, MySpace to no available and convince yourself that she must have lost your number because why would she have asked for your number in the first place if she didn’t want to call you. Wait did she really ask for my number? Hmmm.

I Google the three doctors whose names I received through the locator operator who has nothing to do with the out of state operator. Only one of them has any information online and two of the others have names that sound like id meet them in the back of a dark alley in Bangkok during monsoon season. I call the listed doctor and leave a message on a shotty old school sounding answering machine.  Two days later I get a call back and make an appointment. I ask the secretary if they are still in the network.

I don’t know, how would I know? If they listed us we must be. That’s all on the insurance company, that has nothing to do with us. How about this, you just come in and if they approve it they approve it. If they don’t then you can deal with it later.

Exhausted, mentally and emotionally I say whatever and hang up. I now get ready to call back Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield. Ill skip past the Choose Your Adventure phase this time but be assured that it definitely occurred. I find an operator and ask to speak to Monique only to find that Monique doesn’t exist. She was like a dream, or a nightmare. Eventually I am reconnected to out of state coverage. This woman was nothing like Monique. Not that Monique was a saint but she was helpful in her role. This woman though was immediately suspect of my out of state care and the reasons behind me not being in Connecticut. After much convincing she accepts my lame duck story and puts through the authorization. I wet my pants in excitement and down a shot of Jamesons by myself. I ask her for her name before I hang up,

My name is Monique sir, anything else I can help you with?

A rope and a high chair?

She doesn’t get it.

I have yet to visit the doctor. They didn’t have an opening for ten days so I have to sit here with my injured foot awaiting news that I already know.  You should rest it for a while, a few weeks, maybe we should take some x rays. At which point I’ll have to get the insurance company to cover the X-ray somehow. Which means ill have to go through the whole process again.

I sit here now completely jaded by the whole bureaucracy. I think to myself that there is such an easier way. That the system does not make any sense. Its not efficient and it doesn’t do what its designed to do. But infact it does. Insurance companies aren’t designed to provide affordable quality healthcare to their members. They are designed to earn money and its what they do best. That’s how the companies are constructed.

And all this money goes to one place, the higher ups, the bourgeoisie. The money goes right into the pocket of the ceo’s who are making deals with the prescription drug companies and to lobbyists who then pad the pockets of our civic representatives. It’s designed to keep the current social caste system. A system where the upper and lower class are being even further separated as the middle class disappears. There’s no mistake that every operator is named Monique (reference page 179 of Freakanomics, by Steven D Levitt Would a Roshanda by Any Other Name smell as Sweet). They find people from lower income brackets who they can train and offer full health benefits. To this individual it’s a great deal. They get a steady job; benefits and they can support their families. Meanwhile the corporation dangles the cheese in front of them, consistently creating a falsehood while promising these low-income workers opportunities to move up through the corporate ladder. It will never happen. Although the women’s movement has created more jobs for women there is still a large discrepancy when it comes to women in positions of corporate power. Even more so for African-American women who have lived hanging on the bottom rung since Americas inception. All Monique can do is follow protocol and report problems to her manager who is probably someone named Jim and earns just a little more then her and reports to someone who reports to someone who reports to someone who reports to someone who reports to someone who reports to someone who reports to the board of directors at Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield.

The Insurance companies also keep each division separated. They don’t want their employees developing relations with their peers. Its not encouraged. Hence the reason we have to keep giving them our membership number over and over again. If each division were in constant contact with one another then it would promote discussion and debate. They would eventually find that Monique in the out of state office earns more then Monique at the locator office and would also discover that the another Monique has been working in membership services and hasn’t been given a raise or promotion in the 23 years she has been working with the company. Monique will never move up the ranks because those positions are reserved for those upper class individuals who attended the nations greatest private schools and universities.
Upon graduation, without any field experience these ivy leaguers who will most likely be white will be employed by the insurance companies assuring their spots in the corporate hierarchy. As a result Monique will never be given a fair opportunity to rise up the corporate ladder, bring money into her community, or worry about her social responsibility. In effect her children will grow up without a mother who has to work constantly to pay the bills. The children will have no guidance and have to attend lower income public schools with no money for books, computers, or sexual education. There’s a good chance that one of Monique’s children will get into drugs, another will parent a child at a very young age and neither of them will ever have the opportunity to attend college. As a result little George W. Bush, having just graduated from Yale (where he never had the intelligence/grades to attend in the first place but most certainly the money and lack of pigment) will have his place secured in the hierarchy. Monique and her children will have their places secured as well.

The company hopes that after being misled through automated services and constantly redirected the member will just give up. Instead of going through all the hassle they will just pay it themselves and stay in debt. As a result they will never be able to move from the lower class to the ever-dwindling middle class and one day upon the high perches of the 1% that actually control everything. For a good example watch the movie The Rainmaker starring Matt Damon and Danny Devito, or read the book of the same title by author John Grisham.

It’s easy to break a persons back who is already on their knees. These individuals who seek healthcare through the insurance companies are already bewildered, are already ill. Why should a sick person have to put up with any of this? The last thing they want to do is worry about why their insurance company isn’t holding up their end of the bargain, hence the reason they usually give up. It’s a small price to pay for the insurance companies when some members actually follow up on their services and claims. Unfortunately for us the person at both ends of the line happens to be Monique. We are the same person attempting to figure out the same problem and finding no answers.

The higher ups are sitting back with their feet up sipping on champagne in their private jets flying off to their private islands. They marvel at how we don’t get it, they spit on us and look down upon our broken backs, dirty hand and sniffling noses. But if history proves anything its that things move in cycles and if Karl Marx is right, there’s a revolution coming, hopefully sooner rather then later.Similar articles that might also interest you:

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What I really have the problem with?  This sentence:

“[Don Rickles] made Perez Hilton look like a sycophant.”

Well – no shit.  Perez Hilton is a sycophant.  A sycophany who happens to be wildly popular (a phenomenon whose logic escapes me).  Panic – don’t EVEN think of linking to him – I don’t want to give him the traffic.  Also, Hilton’s so three years ago – there are so many other gossip blogs that are legitimately humorous and don’t get off on drawing jizz on the faces of celebrities.  Clearly, Mayer doesn’t read them (or maybe doesn’t want to admit that they’re actually… gulp… funny).

Yeah, Don Rickles is great, I get it.  But lauding him at the expense of the people who write gossip blogs puts you in the same realm of the people you bash.  Oh, and while you’re an incredibly accomplished guitar player, your first album sucks.

Read the whole article here.Similar articles that might also interest you:

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Just shy of two years ago I was browsing through one of the best free font sites, dafont.com, looking for scripty, elegant font to use on a greeting card.  I found it almost instantly with Scriptina, my co-workers all agreed that it would fit the needs very well and the dramatic swooping letters added to the elegance of it.   Now, finding it on dafont is no miracle, I’m sure hundreds of thousands of other people found it before me and I lay no claim to being the first one, but it was the first place I’ve saw it.

Since then, I’ve seen Scriptina used in so many forms of advertising, clothing design, greeting cards and other commercially available mediums that it makes me want to throw up.  My work ultimately decided not to use the card I was working on, but due to it’s really unique style, Scriptina can be seen from a mile away.  I am now giving this once elegant and beautiful font the title of most overused font of 2008.  If you are currently using it, I highly suggest you find something new and fresh, everyone else, their Grandmother and even the kitchen sink are using it.  Your designs are no longer fresh and you will not create a lifelong branded company logo with it.Similar articles that might also interest you:

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—-

Tonight I plan on making a Pepto-Bismol milkshake. 2 tablespoons of Pepto-Bismol. 1 scoop of vanilla ice cream. Blend. Drink. I’m feeling nauseous. I suspect it has something to do with this grating voice I keep hearing in my head. The voice keeps repeating the word “maverick” in this God-awful accent that I can only describe as maybe the sound made by the offspring of a dyed-in-the-wool Minnesotan and a retarded polar bear. The voice stops every few minutes only to be replaced by the same irritating voice repeating “NUKECULEAR”.

Doggone it!! I would like to think that anyone with above average intelligence or even just the basic ability to think logically would have seen that her mannerisms and regurgitated talking points were obviously rehearsed ad-nauseam to a captive audience of elk and moose before ever stepping foot in St. Louis. I would like to think this. I can dream can’t I?

Ah shucks, folks… Say it ain’t so Joe, but hasn’t that down-home bullshit already embarrassed this country enough over the last 8 years? Oh, and please quit trying to convince me you’re just another “middle class” gal! I know middle class, Governor, and you my friend are not middle class. Dump the tanning bed that’s in your house, sell the airplane you own and release your tax returns and then we’ll talk. I’m sorry, but you give intelligent women in politics a bad name. I’m surprised that they are not all trying to sell their vaginas on eBay this very moment just to distance themselves from you.

P.S. I get it!! You’re trying to show me that you’re just another all-American hockey mom by passing your baby around on stage, but it’s 11:30 at night…. shouldn’t that child be in bed?Similar articles that might also interest you:

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Bush gives banks carte blanche to run amok during his terms in office and then sticks the taxpayers with the bill.  Its like you are planning a reunion for a bunch of your highschool buddies when one friend who you aren’t particularly close with (but hes someones brother) says “don’t worry, i got the hook up at the club, we will be straight, i got us vip bottle service!”  You and your buddies get all excited, you take a limo to the joint and down copious amounts of redbull and vodka on your way there.  You pull up to the spot ready to do the damn thing, the line is wrapped around the block but you don’t worry, your friend has the hook up right?!   Sure enough you go to the front of the line and all of a sudden said friend turns and says “alright yo, let me get your credit card cuz they wont let us in!”  This really happened.  And thats what bush and all his cronies are attempting to do to us.

We will be stuck with the bill and left with a dead dollar whose worth will value my crusty toe nails and some lint in my pockets.  If we have learned anything its that short term solutions don’t work.  You don’t spend massive amounts of money to save money.  You pull yourself up by the bootstraps and dig in.  You get ready for the long hall and don’t trust doods who say they have the hook up for the vip bottle service (bush).Similar articles that might also interest you:

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Until today.

I was catching up on my Preston and Steve podcasts and listened to the show from September 11. They had an author of a book about the action taken at the Pentagon that day (a story which I agree is overshadowed by the harrowing events in New York City and the legend surrounding Flight 93). A moment of silence was observed, during which all the emotions of that day came swarming back. Those feelings of deep sadness for our nation’s collective loss (loss of life, loss of peace, loss of security) were replaced by the statement’s made next.

While interviewing the author of the Pentagon book, Steve Morrison (co-host of the radio show) made a comment about conspiracy theorists to the effect that to even posit an alternative theory on the events was not only disrespectful to the dead, but made you a stupid human. And this is the most prominent ideological (note: not PHYSICAL) loss to America – the loss of our ability (and perhaps, our will) to question the government.

I’m not saying that I disagree with the standard story of events surrounding 9/11, nor am I a “truther.” The point I am making has nothing to do with my own personal or political beliefs surrounding that day. However, I DO believe that is our right and our DUTY as Americans to question the actions of our government. Why is it suddenly WRONG and UNPATRIOTIC to question authority (and, thus, the authority of the mass news media)? Is it because we’re really that incapable of conceiving that maybe, just maybe, the government killed its own people? Did we forget that this is the same government built out of bloody revolution? The same government who sold arms to Iran and lied about it. The same government who passed a law to listen to your phone calls and read your text messages without a writ of habeas corpus. Yeah – that government.

People who question the events of 9/11 are often compared to those who denied the Holocaust. From what I’ve seen, no one is questioning the fact that the events were horrific and that they did, indeed, occur. That’s not the point. We should be able to question HOW and what our government KNEW (if anything at all) that they didn’t tell us. The freedom to police our government is one of the fundamentals of democracy and shouldn’t be quelled simply because a tragic event occurred. ESPECIALLY now, when the event led to a war (um… that the government admittedly started under false pretenses) is when we should question the motives and methods of our leaders. Even if it leads to a consensus, at least the job was done.

When lives are lost on American soil, it becomes inappropriate to ask “why?” Seems like now, when thousands more Americans are dying in Iraq, all we can say is “why not?”Similar articles that might also interest you:

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