Randomn3ss

The .50 Desert Eagle is pistol that nearly everyone who appreciates guns respects. At more than one dollar per round to fire, it’s not something most people will go out and shoot a hundred rounds through every weekend, but it is a fun gun to shoot, from what I’ve been told. Most people get some kind of chuckle from watching friends and family try to shoot the gun as it has one hell of a kick, as this waif of a girl finds out the hard way.

The world’s best speller I am not. It has been pointed out to me in several articles that I’ve published this fact and I humbly put my tail between my legs, fix the errors, thank the person for pointing them out to me and try to learn from my mistakes. I’m a blogger, I can fix my mistakes when they happen. I do not put something permanent on people and hope for the best.

Loyal Randomn3ss reader and good friend Matt sent me a link to a forum post with the proud new owner showing off a photo of his fresh new tattoo.

Decent gray work, the lines don’t look too bad, but wait, something doesn’t look right. Three grammatical errors are in this one tattoo. Its should be It’s, Delt is properly spelled Dealt and lastly, Your should be You’re. Ooops.

Source: vwvortex.com forums

Update: So the poster on the vwovortex forum was posting up a bit of a hoax, it’s a real tattoo but he isn’t the owner. The real owner explains his story of what everything means about the tattoo ala Miami Ink, and then 5 full pages of forum members ripping him to shreds for the horrible spelling issues. Real source: NikeTalk

Here. Just look at the picture below. It’s been in all the major print news outlets since Monday morning. In Metro, it was juxtaposed next to a headline with Bush’s comment that the deaths of 4,000 American soldiers in Iraq has not been in vain.

And shame on you, Easter Bunny. I thought you were better than this - a partisan attention whore who jumps in on any photo-op possible, despite the fact that you are inextricably attached to a religiously-based holiday in a country where church and state are to remain separate. For shame, Easter Bunny!! Added to the fact that I got Luna bars instead of Reese’s peanut butter eggs, now I’m really pissed at you (are you calling me fat, Easter Bunny??). You just keep being pink and fluffy and emotionless with those big, coked-out pupils and hug the demon next to you. By the way, don’t get too cozy - his reign of terror ends on January 20, 2008.

Do you have your barf bags ready? Here’s the picture:

Funny little image someone sent to me a few days ago. Pretty much sums up my day.

Happy Birthday to everyone celebrating their birthday today.

Yes, that’s me, I admit it!

And, along with unknowns like me, a number of pretty cool and/or famous people share this birth date:

Paul Newman (love him!), Wayne Gretzky, Ellen DeGeneres, Douglas MacArthur, Roger Vadim, Bob Uecker, Scott Glenn, Anita Baker, Eddie Van Halen, and Eartha Kitt (love her!).

In looking for information on January birthdays, I ran across a website that listed January observances. Here are some of the more unusual ones that caught my eye.

Did you know that January is:

- Bath Safety Month
- Careers in Cosmetology Month
- Clown Month
- Oatmeal Month
- Poverty in America Month
- Thyroid Disease Awareness Month

I didn’t.

The first week of January is Diet Resolution Week. Of course.

The second week of January is, among others, School Guard Crossing week.

The third week of January is Cuckoo Dancing Week, celebrating Laurel and Hardy movies; Oliver Hardy’s birthday is January 18.

And the fourth week of January is:
- Catholic Schools Week (Aww… I was a Catholic school girl. Was. I’m recovered now, and I never wear plaid.)
- National Meat Week (Agh! I don’t eat meat, as anyone who read this blog knows.)
- Healthy Weight Week (I guess this is the follow up to Diet Resolution Week.)

Enough with all that, back to birthdays. Are you a January (26th or otherwise) birthday baby? What do you do to celebrate? I’m being taken out to lunch and then have a dinner party with friends.

Once I learned I had the same birthday as Paul Newman, I always wanted to call him up and ask him (and his wife, Joanne Woodward, whom I also adore) to lunch. Maybe this is the year. I think I’ll go look for his number, after being careful in the bath, learning more about my thyroid, and donating some oatmeal or something to the needy.

Um… I just saw this on Sunday night for the first time. It is the next in a series of bizarre but semi-brilliant advertisements for Emerald Nuts. These commercials get the brand stuck in your mind for nothing to do with its nuttiness, but for its “What the fuck?!?” factor.

Example:

Discuss.

So I know that some of you read me on this site and I really dig that.

But I also write for Recapist.com on the Famesters network. I recap three television shows: CSI: Miami, Law & Order: CI, and Miss America: Reality Check. Obviously, I only recap shows with colons in the title.

Anyway, I just finished a double recap for the first two Miss America episodes and although it’s really long and sometimes I got a bit bored with the narrative… I think it’s kinda funny.

To please my ego… click here.

I just got home from work and errands, and so I’m sitting here, typing a post and reading the gossip blogs and I have so much shit to do.  Specifically, I need to get my Santa Claus on and wrap some presents.  I mean - Christmas is suddenly fucking TOMORROW and there are just tons of City Sports bags and boxes and, ugh, I am overwhelmed.  Oh, yeah, I said City Sports bags; did you guys really think I would buy gifts anywhere else?  Okay, there and the liquor store.

Anyway - I hate wrapping presents.  Hate it.  And do you know why I hate it?  Because I suck at it.  That is the same reason that I hate math and snowboarding.  I’m simply not good at it and I have to struggle on purpose.  Listen, I am all about challenging myself, but I know my freaking limits.  My wrapping will never look like that of the 96-year-old women at Macy’s who wrap that shit for you.  My corners look like the bed of a retarded Marine, it’s just sloppy.  And I can’t cut the paper straight so my edges are jagged.  At the end, there is tape stuck in my hair, shards of paper on the ground, and I forgot the bows. 

And to label which gift is which.

Fuck.

So I carefully unwrap them (meaning, I summarliy rip the paper as soon as I touch it, thus making it un-recyclable).  I re-wrap them, give myself about 10 papercuts, and label them.  And under the tree they go…

Alright, I need to go get this done.  Merry Xmas or whatever guys!!

Random image from the Internet, but I think this could possibly be one of the best presents you could ever give an ex, ever.

Source: carcino.gen.nz

Thanks to Kipper for forwarding this onto me.  Sadly, I have stories that relate to some of the ones shared below, if you know of one, please share it as well.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a “large” enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, “Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.” I responded that ½ was larger than 1/4. He said, “NO, it’s not.” Four is larger than two.”

We haven’t used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING

My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.  She said, “You gave me too much money.” I said, “Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.” She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said, “We’re sorry but they can not do that kind of thing. ” The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McDonalds.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!  I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.”

From Kingman, KS

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

From Kansas City

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?”  He smiled knowingly and nodded, “That’s why we ask.”

Happened in Birmingham, Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, “What on
earth are blind people doing driving?!”

She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker. She was leaving the company due to “downsizing.” Our manager commented cheerfully, “This is fun. We should do this more often.” Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. “Hey,” I announced to the technician, “its open!” His reply, “I know. I already got that side.”

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us… and the scary part is that they VOTE and they
REPRODUCE

« Previous entries