Sunday is my birthday. In celebration, I’ve pretty much taken all of this week (except Wednesday, I was puking on Wednesday) to go nuts and do whatever the hell I want. So far, I’ve had my face melted off by Velvet Revolver (one Scott Weiland sandwhich with a side of Slash please), saw a ridiculous all-star jam at the Grape on Tuesday night, and then rocked to IKE and Alright, Junior on Thursday night.

Today, though… today might be the best day thus far.

Today I learned to surf.

What I did wasn’t so much “surfing” as lots of falling off the board and generally flopping around in the water. It also involved me partially losing my bikini bottoms in front of a group of 8-year-olds and embedding the image of their first vagina in their heads. I went with my friends Jaxon and CLee, both of whom surf regularly. Jax handed me a pink board, gave me a quick lesson on the sand about how not to bust my ass, then we all headed out; there were perfect big, curling waves for them and nice, calm, pussyfoot waves for me.

Then CLee gets hit in the head with the fin of another board, proceeds to bleed out 5 pints of blood into the ocean, probably attracting sharks, and gets 7 stitches in his noggin. He only got the stitches after approaching me with a face full of blood, zombie style, sticking his index finger halfway into his skull and asking “Uh… is this bad? It’s bad, right?”

It was baaaaaaaaaaad. I did what any good friend would do – recoiled in honor, vomited in my mouth a little, wished him luck, and paddled back out. Dude, CLee’s my bro and all, but I really wanted to freaking surf.

Unfortunately, according to Jaxon, despite spending two hours in the ocean I did not technically “surf.” He informed me that the progression of standing up, squealing in glee, then immediately wiping out does not constitute “surfing.” However, this statement also let me know that he will appreciate daily calls at 6am asking for another lesson.

Honestly, I’m hooked. I loved being in the water and having another summer activity besides doubles volleyball. The vibe I got today reminded me of how I feel when I ski… fearless and at ease. You’re in a natural setting and it’s all very zen, just you, the earth, and your thoughts (and maybe sharks and a hemorrhaging guitar player).

Thanks for the birthday surf, dudes. Rock on!!

Adrienne Learns to Surf: The Aftermath

Me and my knee nipple bruises

CLee’s gnarly gash, described by the man himself as “a bad ass harry potter scar… so if i ever go to prison, people will be like… hey… dont try to butt fuck that guy… he’s got a bad ass harry potter scar.”

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